Sailing the sorted seas of Love (A FAKE romance.)

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Romance VIII

It was a June day, when I left the port of Boston, bound for my native England. I caught a ride on a large passenger vessel called the “Wicked Wench”. If I had known the Captain was such a black-hearted fool I never would have set sail for my beloved country. I would surely have stayed home and knitted socks instead!

The Captain who’s name was Abraham Loud, was at first, polite and almost jovial. After two weeks at sea, he began to leer at me with pig eyes and chase me around the deck. After week three, it seemed ,he always has drool on his chin when he saw me. I finally had experienced enough.  One day, I pled for protection from one of the first mates one Garret McRough. He was handsome, intelligent, and was also tired of the Lustful Captain Loud. They got into a fist fight over me, and eventually, McRough hurled the pig-eyed Loud overboard. All of his men cheered loudly. I can’t say for sure, but Captain Loud surely must have drowned. No one aboard tried to fish him out, because he was so repugnant.

Eventually, Garrett and I began seeing each other. He would bring me extra food rations, and send me romantic notes. You see in my day, there were no e-mails. We used our mouths to communicate, and our hands to caress. How I miss the good old days of scented messages and long looks during candle-lit dinners. Young people will never know how robotic emails, texts, and cell calls seem. Passion can be derived from a few kind words, a wink and a gentle smile.

Garrrett was a great story-teller. He shared his tales of his journeys on land and sea, how he rescued small children from burning buildings and how he made extra money to support his beloved grandmother. No kinder soul has ever lived…. Or so I thought!

Once we reached England he began to get cross with me, and his manners became crude, his fingers nervously fidgited. He also started acting guilty! I eventually found out from his sailor friend Bardi the x-pirate, that he was a married man, and was merely toying with my affections. When we docked, he left the ship before anyone else, and disappeared into the fog. I wept with sadness when I realised that I’d been “Played for a Fool”. It was just as well, at least we never began an engagement. Oh the horror!

Years later, I met Garrett in London at an outdoor market. He tried to hide from me, but I wanted to say hello. He finally slowed down, and I said: “Hello Garrett, How are you?”

He grumbled, “Oh same as usual. I’m sorry I lied to you. I wanted you to be happy. I’m a bad sort really.” (He was also a pig by the way.)

I simply smiled. “You are forgiven Garrett. You made me happy for a few months. Perhaps that is all any of us can hope for.”

He just shook his head and walked off. I held my head high, knowing in my heart that someday, I would find someone who would treat me with the respect I deserved. (Corny as hell, but true.)

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