His name was Gustavo Antonia Silverado Oro. He had a reputation as being the most WICKED pirate on the Seven Seas. We were as different as a fish and an elephant, but I grew to love him. This is my pitiful tale, every word is true…
It was seven years, three months, one week and two days ago, but who’s counting? We met when Gustavo captured my father’s sailing vessel “The Pretty Trollope”. He took advantage of us in the early hours, when we were adrift on a windless ocean. I heard a creak, a shout, a cry for help, and then…Silence. Next thing we knew Gustavo was in charge. He barked out orders, tied up my family, and set them adrift in a small life-boat. I was hiding in the galley, between the salami, and the gorgonzola wheels.(I was terrified, but NEVER hungry.)
Simply put, I was pretty well hidden until one scroungy sailor named “One-eyed Bob” caught me eating the remains of a salami stick. He grabbed me by the hair, and took me to the Infamous Pirate Gustavo.
He eyed me like he was looking at a Fresh Pork chop: “Well, what have we got here? A stow-away?”
“I have every right to be here. My father owns “The Trollope” and I refuse to bow and take orders from the likes of you!”
He seemed amused. “Let’s solve this dilemma once and for all. We will fight for the ship. You can borrow my sword, and I’ll use the saber. (He threw the filthy sword at my face.) The sword bounced off my ample bosom, and clanged to the floor. I recovered the sword, took my stance, and lunged toward him, making a sound like a crazed she-devil.
He took out his saber, and swung wildly. I mean these were wild swings, as if he were mimicking a drunken gorilla! He had NO finesse, NO control, as if he wanted to lose the fight. I brought the sword toward his face, slashed him on the cheek and then cut his shirt to ribbons. Then the idiot smiled at me….
“You were much too lovely to kill. I’m glad I allowed you to live!”
That’s when he grabbed me and kissed me, and damn, if I didn’t start kissing back. The rest is, as they say, history. We eventually retrieved my poor half-starved family, and the following year Gustavo and I got married. He gave up his wicked “Pirate” ways, and now sells silken Red Robes to Roving Royalty. 😉
– The Bitter End??-