I think I used to date this guy…

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guy with ginThere is something so familiar about this guy. I am almost certain we used to date. Come on people, the pot belly, the man boobs, the skin like vanilla ice cream, how can a girl forget those things? I don’t recall him wearing a hatchet in his pants, however he was familiar with the subtle art of lubrication. (Taught by his Master Oh Yu Wang.)

I am writing this stupid story twice because there was a glitch in wordpress and they erased the first version. Quel Demage. (Spell  check apparently hates French people.) That means “SUCH A SHAME” en Francais. Speaking of the French this guy, I dated was named Ervin and he didn’t like French people. He was a real racist snob as I recall.

Anyway Ervin, liked his gin. It was during my “I WILL DATE ALL ALBINO MEN WHO RUN AROUND NAKED” phase. One day Ervin said to me : “Only Whores drink Gin!” Then he offered me a drink of the stuff. What a pig! He certainly was full of  himself.

Sadly our relationship ended on a cold rainy day in March. We were visiting his Uncle Clem’s Pig Farm in Santa Barbara. A fat sow the name of Maude waddled up to him and gave him a wink and a nudge. That’s all it took. He looked at me and said: “LeeLee you have to stand aside, I think I have fallen in love with ‘ol Maude!” He had a lot more in common with the sow than me, so I really couldn’t blame him for the bizarre choice. I mean , come on, men do LOVE their BACON!

 

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